The Rochester Castle, Stoke Newington

London’s no. 1 Wetherspoons pub, and there’s a beer festival on. Turnpike, Broadside and Barn Owl for well under two quid. Crowds of old blokes talk about cricket and Guinness while pockets of cleaned-up 30something ex-Clash fans get nostalgic for the days when Stoke Newington was cheap and you could get proper beer and a fight down the road at the Three Crowns.

The Bank of Friendship, Highbury Park, N5

They have a theme tune which is sort of Bryan Adamsish and goes like this:

"It’s the Bank of Friendship

The one for me and you

The Bank of Friendship

We can drink there too."

Actually, no – that’s a complete lie. It is a nice, usually quiet, local, its under-the-counter Irishness only obvious when you spot the Ireland football shirt and picture of Pat Jennings on the wall. There used to be a crowd of Dubs who sat by the door of one bar who’ll probably know you if you went to school in Dublin between 1946 and 1960.

Mundane non-happenings and zen newsflashes from a quiet North London vale